I Want to Believe Recovery is Possible

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Time still hasn’t healed all my wounds.

Oh sure, it’s healed some. But I still find myself hurting about things that happened years ago in the middle of a normal day. I still find myself crying over things told to me months ago. I still miss people I haven’t seen in forever.

But I’m doing my best to deal with all that.

My life has been one shitty mess. And I know that doesn’t make me special. Hell, I’m glad it doesn’t. Who wants to know they’re the only ones who’s suffering? Knowing there are other people out there who are lonely and broken down and are doing their best to recover as well makes me feel a little less alone.

I want to be a better person. I want my mind to be healthy. I want to do better because I want to believe recovery is possible.

There are some things I’m not ready to talk about. But there are others I am. And most importantly, I’m just ready to talk again.

Which is why I’m restarting my blog. Just recently, I made a huge decision that would change my life forever. (I’m sorry I can’t tell you what it is.) But it has put my life in perspective. I can’t keep waiting for the magical moment where a fairy’s going to appear and grant my wish to make everything alright.

I want to take my life, my happiness, and my recovery in my own hands.

Writing has always made me feel calm. And I’m tired of being too busy for things that make me feel calm. And I’m tired of being too scared to write about the things I want to talk about.

I want to be a better person. I’m going to be a better person.

What was that Phoebe Ryan lyric again? “I’ll pull it together and fix myself eventually.”

Yup. That’s right.

I’ll pull it together and fix myself eventually.

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