I’ve been told happiness is the enemy of creativity, and I’m not so certain that’s true for everything but it certainly is true for me now. Truth be told: I’m having trouble writing this article. Past me would’ve felt otherwise – past me would’ve killed this article, and past me would’ve have had as much trouble.
But there’s only present me, and that present me is pretty pleased with the way he turned out. Smug little creature.
Part of me wants to believe that change is such a dirty word when it comes to yourself. Doesn’t it mean to alter? To make different, to replace one thing with another? Why would you want to replace something about yourself?
And then I realize that if I’d never changed, I wouldn’t be present me. I’d still be past me. And I like present me. Didn’t I change my way of thinking, my outlook on life? Didn’t I replace anger with acceptance, consistency with growth…hate with love?
Maybe change isn’t such a bad thing after all.
So, without further ado, here are the four things I’d change about myself:
1.) My inability to function in the morning.
I wish I was a morning person. Really, I wish I was. I wish I could wake up early in the morning with no need to hit the snooze button, go out on a run, and enjoy the sunrise and the fresh morning air.
But I can’t. It’s just not in me. I’ve tried multiple times, but I always end up sleeping in. And when I do manage to get up, it never feels good – I get a bad case of sleep inertia, that state of grogginess after waking up. This lasts for around two hours, and by the time it ends the day’s already started and I had to get a move on before I’m late for school.
But if I were a morning person, I’d be able to get a lot more done. I’d be able to read more books, and finally be able to do that pesky little thing everyone tells me I need to do called exercise. Oh, if only.
Speaking of morning blues…
2.) My sleeping troubles.
Did you know that there are people in this world that can go to bed after a long day and just sleep after a minute or so? Did you know that these people get the right amount of sleep and always feel good in the morning? Did you know that I am not one of these people?
Oh, if only nights were spent in la la dreamland. Instead, they’re spent with me staring at the ceiling, trying to go to sleep but my mind not letting me. There are mornings where I’m not even sure if I slept or not. I blame my sleeping troubles for me not being a morning person.
Like I said, life would be better if I could get up earlier and not feel so drowsy in the morning. But I manage.
3.)My inability to sing.
A famous opera singer named Florence Foster Jenkins once said in response to her criticism, “People may say I can’t sing, but they’ll never say I didn’t sing.”
This is especially true when it comes to me.
Oh, wow, do I love to sing. I’ll sing radio hits, movie soundtracks, and Broadway numbers. I sing for the basic reason that I like singing. It makes me feel good. I only wish my voice agreed with me.
While I’m not looking for a career in music or anything, it still would be nice to sing and not sound like I’m trying to sound awful. Or to finally get that perfect score in that karaoke machine. Or to not have other people suffer when I suddenly spring into a musical number.
Oh well. One can dream.
4.) My forgetfulness.
On the way to school, I’ll forget my handkerchief. On the way to a birthday party, I’ll forget the gift. On the way to an exam, I’ll forget the location.
Yes, I am incredibly forgetful. And so many events in my life could’ve been easily avoided if I wasn’t. For example, there was this one time when I wasn’t able to take an important test because I had forgotten the room it was in, which I wrote down in my planner…which I had forgotten at home.
But hey, at least I’m actively trying to solve this problem. I write everything down now and have invested in whiteboards, notepads, and planners. And it helps, but I still forget things from time to time. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting something right now…
There are things about ourselves that we can’t change, but there are those we can, and, for the most part, I’m glad I chose to change those. And maybe change doesn’t always have to mean to replace. Maybe it can mean to improve. It most definitely should when it comes to being who we are.