SEND THIS to Your Squish!

Hey there.

So, uh, this Loner from Outer Space guy apparently knows I have a squish on you, and is kind enough to write out a whole message for me so I don’t have to do it. Not that I really needed the help, I’m pretty fantastic at words on my own. Just look at this poem I made!

The river flows
Like my tears down my cheeks

OKAY WAIT NEVERMIND that poem was the absolute worst. Okay, let’s just have this blog post do the talking for me.

Oh, you don’t know what a squish is? Well, according to UrbanDictionary, a squish is “a platonic crush, one where you like someone and want to be close to them, but not in a romantic way.” Then again, the next definition is “to crush or flatten to the point where the object crushed has its fluids splattered about”, so maybe we shouldn’t trust UrbanDictionary all that much.

Basically put: I want to be your friend.

You just seem like an incredibly cool person. You seem like someone I’d love to have ice cream with. I bet if Britney Spears knew you, she wouldn’t have had her 2008 meltdown. There’s just so much to like about you, and we aren’t even that close yet. And it’s not like I planned it or anything.

So really, it’s your fault for being so gosh darn likeable.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I don’t have a crush on you. I don’t want to be your significant other. But I do want us to be friends. And if we’re already friends, I want us to be even better friends.

And really, I would tell you myself, but I’m really shy. The internet was invented for people like me. I’m constantly torn between “I want to talk to you” and “I don’t want to annoy you.” Because really, the last thing I want to do is alienate you from me.

So, uh, I guess that’s all there really is to say. Do you want to hang out sometime? I know this really great ice cream place that’s perfect for platonic dates…

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